(From MOSF 16.7 about THE LONELIEST AMERICANS)

Dear friends,

Hope your month has gone well! I've got 2 relatively longer posts from East Wind and one short piece from Psychology Today to share.

10 days ago, I had my most social weekend of the pandemic, including a 50 person outdoor barbecue in Golden Gate Park. I walked home through a crowd of probably 2000 people watching the Judy Chicago Fire and Smoke event at the de Young Esplanade. It was a beautiful day, and it felt so good to meet new people, and be with others. I hope you're getting the requisite amount of time with caring others, and that in the times that you aren't with others, you're caring for yourself with warmth and tenderness.

I linked to this meditation in several articles. I hope it might be helpful to you. Allyship is such a powerful and trnsformative concept.

Being your own ally: a brief teaching and meditation expanding on Mindful Self-Compassion

Here are the long articles at East Wind:

MOSF 16.7: Jay Caspian Kang and The Loneliest Americans vs. the Psychology and Reality of Asian America 

(4000 words, October 20, 2021) I read this book during that very social weekend, and man, was I annoyed. I tried to be fair to him as a writer, but he really struck the wrong chords with me regarding Asian American identity and history. Even if you're not Asian American, I hope you might enjoy this humorous and pugilistic takedown. Bottom line, Asian American is more than a political grouping - it is a relational identity. I had my most formative experiences relating to a pan-Asian community. I think Asian American identity is a relational persuasion - much like being human, of course. We relate, we care about those we relate to, and this caring extends pretty naturally to all who suffer and struggle. My relating informs my resonance with the idea that "disconnection is at the root of suffering, and the opposite of suffering is belonging." Relationships are the 'highest form of spiritual practice' and we are all works-in-progress. And relationships are not just an intellectual exercise, which is where Kang seems to come from, in terms of categorizing us in a way that suits his supposed political aims, but really suits his aims of amplifying his platform for what I think is a dominant culture gaze which doesn't really understand Asian Americans, and is all too ready to dismiss us. Argh. He actually says that he thinks "there are only two races in America: White and Black" - wow. Way to ignore history and reality, Jay.

MOSF 16.6: Asian America – from Alienation to Allyship, Reconciliation and Palpable Belonging

(2000 words, October 9, 2021) We have to keep our eyes on the real game of dismantling racism and the delusion of White supremacy, particularly White Male Christian supremacy, which is so toxic in our social and political environments, and deeply impacts psychology and wellness. A sample:

Psychologists and psychiatrists have proposed schema for identity and race-consciousness development for every ethnic group. I propose four areas of interest for all, but especially Asian Americans:

1. Specificity: Derived from one’s uniqueness as an individual, one’s drive for self-hood.

2. Relatability: Our capacity and drive to relate to other Asian Americans, unique others and their groups, and to create belonging.

3. Resonance: Our visible affirmation of and concordance with the project of understanding and alleviating suffering, primarily the project of overcoming racism, discrimination, subordination, marginalization, alienation, and other tools of abusive power. This is, of course, through empathic resonance and compassion.

4. Areas (and relationships) of difficulty, avoidance, withdrawal, exasperation and turbulence.

We are all works-in-progress.

From Psychology Today:

Bad Art Friend: Discontent With Parasociality | Psychology Today  (October 6, 2021) - If you caught wind of the Bad Art Friend article at The New York Times, this might give you some psychological perspective. Parasocial, or one-sided, relationships are pretty prevalent, but also can be really frustrating when you are looking for mutuality. This was one aspect of the Dawn Dorland-Sonya Larson imbroglio. I wish them all well, but wow did this all get out of hand. I think that caustic group chat needed some bystander intervention. I probably touched some nerves with this article too.

It's no fun getting drop-kicked into a trauma zone. Not much better parachuting into it either. But -- sigh -- that's kind of where we are in 2021, amirite?

We are embedded in a web of trauma. I think we can turn it into a web of healing, with our relatedness, feeling, compassion, conscience and consciousness. Keep loving, and don't throw in the towel - or the kitchen sink!!! 

Warmly,

Ravi